Believing he had no alternative but to put his client on the witness stand, attorney Nick N. Poop, Esq. turned to his client and whispered, “Ok, Boone, you're up.” Looking like a dog on the back of a guy riding a bike (wondering what the heck's going on!), Boone meandered his way up to the front of the courtroom and plopped himself down in the chair beside the bench where Judge Noah I. Tall resides. The following exchange went something like this:
Judge Tall: Sir, would you please stand and raise your right hand?
Boone: Yes sir.
Judge Tall: Ok. Now, do you swear that the testimony you are about to give in this matter will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Boone: Well, I reckon I do, but I'd sure like to know how to do that.
Judge Tall: How to do what?
Boone: You know, what you just told me I could do.
Judge Tall: I didn't tell you you could do anything. I simply asked whether you agree to tell the truth.
Boone: I wasn't talking 'bout that part. That part's easy.
Judge Tall: Then what part are you talking about?
Boone: That ending part - - you know, where's you said sumtin about me being able to get God's help and all. I swears I heard you say it - so help me God. Just like that, right? So how do I go 'bout me getting God's help like that there? Is it like gettin a public defender? The way my lawyer's been lookin at me, I need all the help I can get!
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